The Oven and The Dishwasher

A long time ago there was a newly wedded couple, James and Jennie. They moved to a new subdivision where all the houses were clean and new and had in their clean and new kitchens a refrigerator and a coffee machine and a Fondue pot and a stove and a blender and a microwave and garbage disposal and a trash compactor. But the best appliances of all were the dishwasher and the oven.

The dishwasher and the oven stood right across from each other and had to look each other in the eye every day. And for every person that marveled at the dishwasher, another would marvel at the oven. And for every person that marveled at the oven, another would marvel at the dishwasher. And so the dishwasher and the oven hated each other, because neither one would be mentioned without the other.

One night the newlyweds had another newlywed couple over for dinner (Named Jack and Janice) and Jack said "Gee, golly - that's a mighty fine dishwasher - mighty fine. Why I bet this dishwasher could do all the dishes in no time!"

"That's right," James said, "And it has 75 settings and can do pots and pans as well as fine china and it also auto-dries the dishes and spotcleans by ultrasound."

"Oh, heavens!", Janice interjected, "What an absolutely di-vine oven, why, by the look of that oven you could make soufflés as tall as the Eiffel tower."

"It is nice," Jennie said "And it cleans itself and has a programming menu and it pre-heats in two seconds and it has heat-sensitive camera make sure that everything is done."

"How handy!", Jack exclaimed. And the couples went back to the living room to finish their game of Rummikube.

That evening, after Jack and Janice had left and James and Jennie had gone to bed, the oven and the dishwasher were both in a stew.

"They think that oven's sooooo great!", grumbled the dishwasher, "I'll show them, I'll wash dishes and auto-dry and do the pots and pans and fine china and then spotclean by ultrasound so fast that they won't even think about that oven any more."

"They think that dishwasher is sooooo special!", mumbled the oven, "I'll show them! I'll pre-heat in no time and auto-clean myself and use my programming menu and my heat sensitive camera to make the best food that they have ever eaten!"

The next day James and Jennie were in the kitchen. James was making a three layer cake in the oven, and Jennie was washing their Sunday teapot in the dishwasher. The oven was resolved to make this the best cake ever, and so he used his heat sensitive camera and programming menus and preheat. And the dishwasher saw the oven doing this, and he furrowed his brow and used his auto-dry and his 75 settings and his spotclean by ultrasound to make the teapot super clean. And the oven saw the dishwasher doing this, and so he tried harder. And the dishwasher saw the oven and so he tried even harder. And the oven was so obsessed with watching the dishwasher that little curls of black smoke arose from the oven.

"Oh, no!", James cried, "The oven burnt the cake!"

It was true. The cake now was nothing but a small black lump in the pan. The dishwasher saw this and laughed a dishwasher laugh, but he took his eye off the teapot and the teapot shattered into a million pieces.

"Oh, no!" Jennie cried, "The dishwasher has broken the teapot!"

And it was true. There was nothing left of the Sunday teapot but a few pitiful looking shards of porcelain.

James and Jennie jumped up, tears welling in their eyes. And they grabbed their credit card and drove out to Sears. Because they dealt with their unhappiness in terms of power shopping. And the dishwasher and the oven glowered at each other. Because each one was convinced that the other had made them mess up.

An hour or so later James and Jennie came in. Jennie was carrying a box that had "Black and Decker" written on the sides, and both of them were smiling and tittering about their new purchase.

"It has auto-kneading and super-rising and it has a special yeast dispenser built right into the top!", exclaimed James.

"And it has ultra-crusting and laser-baking and it uses itself as a floured surface!", proclaimed Jennie.

And they opened the box and set it on the counter in the corner right in between the oven and the dishwasher. And now no one ever notices the dishwasher or the oven. They're much too busy praising James and Jennie's "Bread Master 5000".

The End