The Senior Coalition

- Protecting the Future You Paid For.

Dear Fellow Golden-Aged:

I'm writing to ask you to join us, "The Senior Coalition", a society of mature red-blooded Americans who have worked at back breaking labor all their lives and still know the value of a dollar. Americans who liked Ike and feel the 60s were a disgraceful stain on the American soul. We are the fastest growing Senior-Citizens advocacy group in America, and your twenty-five dollar contribution will aid us to bring the attacks on your Social Security checks to a halt, as well as help re-elect more fine Senators and Congressmen in our age group.

I know you're asking yourself, "Why should I pay twenty five dollars when I can get five perfectly good Bob Evan's Senior Club Breakfasts with that money?" Here's why: your future, and the future of your senior friends and neighbors could very well depend on it.

Your membership fees will help fund the way for a new president in 2000, a better president, someone a lot more Frank Sinatra and a lot less Fleetwood Mac. Due to his condition, Ronald Reagan will not be running again as we had planned, but we're not giving up hope; Strom Thurmond has expressed interest in being our candidate in our next presidential race. But we can only do this with your membership contribution.

You're probably still saying to yourself, "Why should I give twenty-five dollars away? Twenty Five dollars could buy me an entire case of pitted prunes!" We aren't asking for a handout. But let us show you what you will get for your membership fee.

    1. "Keep on Living": The Senior Coalition Newsletter. This bona-fide newsletter will tell you what you need to know about the senior lifestyle. You'll hear inspirational stories about other senior citizens, like Birdie Fletcher, the senior citizen hero whose cry of "I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up" TM mesmerized a nation. You'll also receive nutritional advice from our on-staff nutritionist Gary McDermit, author of "The Toothless Diet." The newsletter is in Large Print and will come to you bi-monthy.
    2. Your own laminated Senior Coalition Membership Card with your name and membership number written in Large Print.
    3. A handsomely lettered gold colored pin with the words "Proud to be a Senior Coalition Supporter" written in Large Print.
    4. "Teeth, Ears, and Hearts" - a catalog of dentures, hearing aids, and pacemaker equipment available through our mail-order store, written in Large Print.

This type of battle can't be won alone. We need you to join us and help swell our ranks to become a formidable force in American politics. We're counting on your support so we can fight against the government bureaucrats who would keep you from your God-given right to the money you paid into Social Security. Send in your membership card and contribution now: we need you on board.

Sincerely Yours

Nathan Oostendorp
Head Geezer